Hey Umplink!

Some of you may have noticed the resurgence of a peculiar dialect in the greater Philadelphia area of late. It is not uncommon to go out in public and hear sentences such as these:

"Back when I was apple juice I had a real French host beast!"
"Keep your grapes peeled when that hobo's out mending the fence. He's a real leaky cup!"
"That wrinkly baglady is real done up in the frontpan!"
"Duck and cover! It's a whole bunt of umplinks!

This, friends, is the lingo used by the Forksti Boys.

For those of you who don't know, the Forkstis were a group of gangsters during the Great Depression who stole food from peoples' plates. One Forksti would distract an eating person while the other would steal food from his/her plate. They originally settled in Nether Scrappleton (currently Old Nether Scrappleton) before relocating to New Nether Scrappleton. They had to move because Old Nether Scrappleton was too close to Levvittown, home of their rival Levvittown Boys. (Some folks refer to the latter as "Levvitton Boyos" or just "Boyos".)

I am afraid that the resurgence of this lingo means that the Forkstis are on the comeback trail. Please be safe when you go out to eat at a restaurant. Be aware that Forkstis and/or Boyos could be there too, and that they will stop at nothing to eat whatever it is you're eating. A bit later I'll post a dictionary of Forksti / Boyo terminology so that you'll know to watch your back when out and about - or, as the Forkstis would say, "Keep your grapes peeled!"

Barry Bonds? No. Sticky Bonds? Yes.

Well well well. Welcome to Open Air Gas Leak.

Today I played a Panthertone synth for the first time. Have you not heard of Panthertone? They've been providing pulleyed and water-powered synths to the professional leprechaun community since Nineteen-Aught-One. They're quite impressive. Mine is water-powered, as you'll see below.


BEWARE OF IMITATORS! A company called Lycanthrope makes similar synths, but in my experience they are not nearly as good. Panthertone is the way to go for your pulleyed and water-powered synth needs.